Days ago, I saw James on my vision. He’s in white, gone are his tattoos and he smiled at me. I wanted to hug him but I’m not even sure if either I’m hallucinating or day dreaming. Everyday I always thought of him and how painful it is that he died at such an early age of 28. 3 days after the holidays and a month before his 29th. He was ready. He knew he’s not going to live pass his 30s.. He made every second count. He lived crazily and sometimes recklessly. He was very loving to everybody. Then he died all of a sudden, peacefully in his sleep. His heart just quietly stopped due to an enlarged heart disease or cardiomegaly. Sorrow sank deep inside my blood. I am beyond words heartbroken Because of that event in his, it made my heart heavy, its like part of it had shattered Into pieces, now there’s a hole in it. He left it and i don’t think i could ever fix it. The scar would always remain. Every now and then I still couldn’t describe how much grief I’m in. 2009 is such a cruel year for me and probably is the worst year so far. It has been almost 2 years and everyday I am moving on. There’s nothing else I could do but wait for the right time when we meet in heaven. and In another life, we’ll chase a lot of stallion ducks, those that were really geese we ever come across because “they’re the biggest fucking ducks I’ve ever seen in my life!” Jimmy is like my male counterpart. We both have the same taste in music. we both love music of course! We were cool headed when we thought about ourselves but we have our warm hearted ways when we thought about others. I’m crazy. He’s insane. we’re both sarcastic. I’m a nerd. He’s a dork. we’re both weird. Yeah. too weird to live, too rare to die (sad he died ). and mostly, we’re both carefree, we never cared about how others would think about us and we’re a lot misunderstood by people who doesn’t know us. overall, both of us are dark yet light (fun). right now, I know he’s watching over me. Smiling at the crazy memories he left on the planet and upon me, upon his family and friends and upon everyone who loves him.
Just what brian said, “He’s got a pure soul. He was simply too beautiful and fragile to walk this earth for long. God touched him with the gift of art but not the gift of resilience to handle a harsh and cruel world.” He’s not dead. 28/12/09 was not the end of his time. That was the beginning of his new life. A life without worries, a life with no end, A life full of peace and light. A life where all things are bright and beautiful in a place of hope and no pain with perfect skies and no rain.
P.S Thinking about him laid to rest and writing this one feels much of a heavy melancholy. He shouldn’t be on that grave but I bet he’s happy now living in Heaven with G-d and His angels. and by that, I should be happy too. I am happy but Just most times, I wish a lot to wake up from this nightmare. Goodnight Jimmy, physically gone but emotionally, mentally never forgotten. forever in my mind, heart and soul. I miss you and will forever do miss you. I love you so very much man, I hope you can hear that from up there. Save me a hug when I see you. G-d bless your soul. R.I.P Rest in Peace, Rock in Paradise, Reborn in Progress, Return if Possible.
Now and then I try to find a place in my mind, where you can stay, you can stay awake forever.. Place and time always on my mind, I have so much to say but you’re so far away. Sleep tight, I’m not afraid. the ones that we love are here with me. lay away a place for me because as soon as I’m done I’ll be on my way to live eternally!! ♥
“In my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky.
In my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life..
I’ll keep a part Of you with me and everywhere I am there you’ll be.”
When I get to hear thunderstorms, Its probably you playing drums in Heaven.